macy_loo

DOOOOOOOOOOOODS!

Fri, 16 May 2008 03:24:44 GMT

Heres the dealio

There was a big ass storm last night with big hail and lots o' wind
my step dad owns a roofing company
for every reference I give that leads to a job
I get ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS$$$$$ *(yeah! we like money!)
I'm about to move out, I'm broke and REALLY need the money

So if your parents are talking about getting their roof inspected (or you could just mention it to them)
Please call ACE ROOFING 836-ROOF (7663) or
WWW.ACEROOFINGTEXAS.COM
My step dad is Jason Wright, he's hecka coo

I know this is uber shamelss but I reallllllly need tha monies right now. Thanks doods!

Wed, 14 May 2008 00:23:48 GMT

I WANT TO MOVE OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Music is my hot hot sex

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:55:09 GMT

I could live in the Enchanted Forest
Dance
Dance
Dances

I Live in a Polaroid Picture

creeeeeper

as I was uploading these pictures a surprise package arrived for me
Something that was from one of my favorite infomercials
Jason ordered me the Ronco Showtime Knife set
They are so sexy
Orgasmic
The Roc & Chop knife
The Sporstman Knife (so the next time I'm in Washington fishmarket and Filet with the pros!)
The Cheese Knife
the Chope & Serve
Bread & Bagel knife
and many, many more
I can't wait to rip shit up in my Kitchen with them.
SOOOoooooOOO SEXXXXy

assholes are like opinions; everybodys got one ( or sometimes more)

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 05:00:27 GMT

I like assholes, especially the ones that smash my car window and steel shit.
they're my fave :)

everyday I realize something new out of my car is missing.
First I just thought it was Ciska's purse
then I realized my CDs were missing (which means you should ALL burn me new CDs)
then I realized they stole some of my clothes
then today ,the Pièce de résistance: they stole my registration sticker.
WHAT THE FUCK? why would you steel someones registration sticker? why? its not like its easy to get those things off, and more importantly, WHY? why would you take my registration sticker? do they just want to make my life hard? do they want to get me pulled over? did they want to make me pay the $6 it will take to get it replaced?
assholes! my life is full ot them...

at work I laugh in my head at the rediculous assholes, or sometimes I laugh outloud behind their backs

This woman is calling in a pick up order, it starts off normal enough with some sandwiches ans a greek salad,
then she says she's going to be returning a salad.
I chuckled then, realizing she was serious, said "I'm sorry?" because, surely, i thought, i miss understood her.
but alas, was no fault of my half deaf ears,
she went on to explain that she got a salad delivered last week and, well, it didn't have any dressing. So she wanted to return it.
This is a week old salad that she wants to bring in and return for a new salad because it didin't have dressing? seriously? thats nasty.
She came in to pick up her order and handed me the week-old salad she had kept in her fridge (it had chicken on it that had gone very bad). I quickly handed the crazy off to the manager to sort things out. He asked when the salad was delivered
"Oh, sometime last week"
and did she call anyone that night to tell them about the salad?
"No, I just thought I'd return it the next time I came in"

I highly suspect that she put the salad in the fridge when it was delivered, and forgot about it. Then rediscovering it a week later and not wanting to waist what was probably about $9, she came up with the plan of "returning" the salad, because it "had no dressing". Really lady? really? You return clothes or a puppy maybe, but spoiled food? Yes, this salad sat in my fridge for a week and now I would like to return it in exchange for a new one. what the fuck are poeple thinking?

This lady was fallowed by a woman who ordered 3 spinach lasagnas, then returned a couple hours later with one of the lasagnas claiming they all tasted horrible and she wanted her money back, handing over the one remaining lasagna. My manager asked
"didn't you order three lasagnas?"
"well, yes, but I couldn't bring the other ones in"
so basically you ate the lasagnas and didn't want the third one, so you tried to get your money back?

People are so fucking cray! What are they thinking? what? please tell me what these people are thinking.

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 04:45:42 GMT

my life sucks my life sucks muy life sucks sucks some balls my life sucks balls

all I do is work, and nothing else.
when I am invited to do something its either
a) during work so I can't go or
b) after work and i'm too tired to go.
my life sucks balls big huge balls

I have done almost NOTHING during spring break. I hung out with nina on saturday I believe, and then with hallie on Wed and thats it!!!! I have done nothing! I'm so bored! and I have all this energy and no where to spend it and no one to do anything with!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD I DON'T KNOW IF YOU UNDERSTAND THE EXTENT OF MY BOREDOM. I hate my life right now, I hate it. I look through all the pictures of everyone else having fun and doing shit and am like "why the hell does my life suck so much?" its unnecessary how much my life sucks, like oh dear god it SUCKS.
The bright side is I have Friday and Saturday off and I only work from 12-3 on sunday. SO LETS HANG OUT!!!!!!! I want to non-stop be hanging out wtih people doing fun shit from right now until I have to work on sunday. no sleep is required. Just haning out, doing shit, not being bored around the house. I'm going to start kidnapping people. the only problem is none of them are home because they're all out having a life!! ARGH!

So please please please gimme a call and lets hang out! go see a show, or do SOMETHING! anything! I don't care if its cleaning a public toilet as long as I'm with someone and we're doing something I'll be happy.

I apologize for the bitchyness of this post im just really fucking pissed about how bored I am and that I've had all this time and done NOTHING! I hate it when I waist time, it pisses me off. I'm like an old jewish woman I don't like waisting things.

AND!
My step sis is having this really bad ass dance party for her b-day sat night in my step dad's warehouse and my sister's band is coming and Dj-ing and she said I could have some friends. Anyone want to come? It will be really bad ass, promise!

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 05:48:59 GMT

I never thought I'd be so desperate to go back to school!
Dear lord! I haven't seen anybody for over a week!
My mom is just worried that if I go backs too soon I'm just going to get sick again
I'm willing to take that risk to see people, actual people, who breathe and talk and shit....

What I have discovered while stuck in my bedroom is that Law & Order is on ALL THE TIME
Seriously, and it comes on like 4 different channels and there are like 3 differnt kinds too
Theres Law & Order CI (Criminal Intent)
Theres Law & Order SVU (Special victims unit)
and then just plain ol' Law & Order
and its on ALL DAY
I swear to god its coming on the fucking disney channel....

so if I'm not at school tomorrow please, COME SEE ME!
I'm about to die from lack of human contact
I swear I won't get you sick!!!!
The last time I saw someone who wasn't related to me was last weekend
When Nina and her heart of gold came by to see me
Or at least I think that was during the weekend, I've lost track of time.

better yet kidnap me! I'm dying to get out of the house!

Hey there! you! look at these pictures!

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 05:11:48 GMT

I went to the ER for the first time in my life last night. I had come home from work and felt like shit so I tried to go to bed. It was miserable, I couldn't sleep because I was coughing so much I could barely breathe and my whole body was achy and shaky and i was FREEZING, and as you all know i'm never cold. I got up around 2 and got a drink from the kitchen, which woke up my mom. She took my temperature and I had a 103 degree fever (after drinking a glass of ice water). My mom was really concerned that I had pneumonia because the steroid, prednizone, i was on ( for ceder fever) strips your immune system and makes you exxtremely susceptible to things like pneumonia and the flu. She asked if I wanted to go the ER, but I decided to try to go back to sleep.
After two hours of restless attempted sleep I got up again (whcih woke up my mom). She told me to pack up and that we were going to the ER. I was really glad we did. I don't have pneumonia but I do have the flu. I got some cough syrup "your going to want to lick the inside of that cup" my ER nurse said "thats the good stuff". and I also got an antiviral. My cough syrup mad me sleepy and I was finally able to go to sleep at 5 in the morning.

So then this morning (and by morning I mean when i woke up at 3 in the afternoon) I called work to tell them I wouldn't be able to come into woork this weekend b/c i have the flu. My manager, who can be a little cold, told me to call around and get my shifts covered and then call back. Well, the only people who work the counter (besides me, at least that I've met) are Kevin and Courtney and I knew courtney was already working as a server over the weekend, and kevin was already scheduled to work the counter with me. I called back twice and mark (a guy in training) asked me to call back in about 15 mins both times. Then I fell asleep. When I woke up my mom said that she called work for me and talked to my manager. The only thing I had said to my manager was that I had the flu, my mom, however, "did macy tell you she was in the ER last night with a 103 degree fever?". Apparently my manager "wishes I get well" and "has already taken care of my shifts" (my mom said it sounded like bull shit).

I've been quarantined in my bedroom all day and am DYING of boredom, and it doesn't look like I'll be getting out anytime soon.

The highlight of my day was my sister coming over with her new bunny she got today. Its the CUTEST FULFFIEST MOST ADORABLE thing you've ever seen. I wish I had better pictures.

mashed potatos? for me? you have?

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 01:55:35 GMT

I'm sick and it sucks. Ceder fever is kicking me ass. I'm on FIVE different prescriptions right now, yes FIVE. I have an ear infection and a soar throat and my glands are so swollen in my neck my doctor damn near shit herself. I'm also coughing so much that my ribs feel bruised. And all I want is mashed potatoes but i'm too tired to drive to the store and too poor to buy them. I'm not sure if i'm going to school tomorrow, my mom doesn't think i should but i HATE staying home all day, its sooo boring.

poop, yes poop on ma face

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 22:45:14 GMT

I hate feeling like I waisted a weekend. I feel like all I did this weekend was sleep, which is lame. True, I did go to soco and emo's friday, but i feel like that doesn't count as the weekend b/c it was a school day. Saturday I fucking slept in until 2:30!!!!!!! It felt sooooo good, but I always feel like i've waisted the entire day. Honestly, I probably needed it b/c thursday night I went to see my sister's show and they didn't go on until 1:00, and friday I didn't get home until 4:30 in da mornin (though it was totallly worth it!). I hate I work only weekends, 5-9 or 5-10 fri,sat and sun. I mean those are the prime hanging out hours. I think everyone just needs to start making mangia the cool chill spot, it will surpass flips and spider house and all those other "hip" places. That would be cool.

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 19:02:30 GMT

When did everything become so negative?
when did everyone become so negative?

I feel like an outsider these days.
I feel I don't have anyone to talk to.
and I'm tired of being lonely.

Talk to me, please. I want to know how you're feeling, whats going on in your life, who you are. Does no one do this? Or just not with me? and Why? I don't know anyone, and if I don't know you, you sure as hell can't know me and I hate that. I want to be known!

I'm going to go sit in my tent and think a while. Would you like to join me?

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 23:18:31 GMT

My sister had an interview with the Page Parks modeling (and acting) agency in Houston Today (Alexis Bledel, early Angelina jolie,charlize theron, Duff sisters,Tyson Beckford). People from tribeza who liked her sent her pictures in and they called my sister and set up an interview. My mom's friend has been with Page parks for years and is a very successfull model(she fell off the face of the earth a while ago and is now back again). The main thing my mom's friend said was that Page Parks does not seek out people, they let them come to them and the fact they contacted my sister was a big deal. Anyway they want to sign her!!! they are going to call her Friday to set up an appointment for her to sign a contract!!!!! They're also putting her in a runway workshop and getting her headshots!!! I'm so excited for her, but it hasn't really hit her yet. OMG MY SISTER IS A MODEL! A REAL LIVE MODEL!!!

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 03:45:41 GMT

I opened this to write about work, and then realized I have so much to say.
I hate it when that happens and I can't figure out how to organize it properly and a lot of what i have to say is random and doesn't have to do with anything else i have to say and not sure if maybe some of it is too private?
So since i'm in doubt i'll omit that part.

so much, so much to say!

God Bjork is cool

So I'll start with work. It seems pretty fun, the computer is pretty easy, the hardest part is finding the button for all the different toppings, I swear i'm blind sometimes and that can be frustrating. The people I work with seem really cool too, and nice which is good because I don't feel bad asking questions and they are really helpful. So basically what I do is deal with the carry out orders and delivery orders. I also am a hostess and seat people.I work Wed and Thurs 5-9 and you should come see me for diner! I also work Sat 12-4, so come see me for lunch too!

I think I might have an ear infection- it keeps randomly throbbing.

I also have a mystery pain behind my right eye, like in my head and it hurts really bad. I told my stepmom and she said she had the exact same pain before she got shingles and the first place she broke out was beside her right eye kind of on her temple. And i was like, but i feel like this is deep inside my head, and she said thats exactly what it felt like and it has something to do with nerves. All I know is that my sister got shingles on her chest and it was horrible and you get this horrible rash that leaves scars and I don't want that on my face!!!

I've realized I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life
all I know is that I don't want to waist it.

I feel like my face is becoming shapeless, all of my sharp features and edges are becoming dull and soft.
i feel like a harsh wind would blow me away
I feel like if someone touched me I would crack and fall to a pile on the floor in hundreds of tiny pieces
Would someone put me back together?
If I fell apart? Would you put me back together?

I miss you all

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 17:18:13 GMT

i'm sick of restraining myself and acting like i'm okay when i'm not.

whats wrong with me?

HIZZZAHH!

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 06:03:00 GMT

I got a job at Mangia on lake austin!!!! I go in Sunday to fill out paper work and start training and so forth. When I get a schedule all of you are going to have to visit me!!! NO EXCUSES!!! I'm pretty excited about it, it seems like it will be a lot of fun, i really hope it will be.

I definitely rented a movie titled "killer drag queens on dope" I'm rather esctatic about it.
The Messengers- the scariest movie. I think that watching movies with Dasha makes them scarier though. I like the thumb grabbing that goes on.

So interesting/funney/stupid story. We start the Messengers (me, dasha, stephen and emily) at my house, in my room. Within the first scary as hell ten minutes Emily has to leave, so i walk her to her car, cuz its scary. I'm walking back to the house. I think to myself "it will be really funny to scare the shit out of dasha and stephen" so I approach my bedroom window from outside, the blindes are closed. I bang on the window with my left hand and CRACKKKKK! my window breaks. I banged on my window so hard (with my left hand!) i broke my fuckinng window, and made the entire house shake, literally. i was stunned. Then, continued to laugh hysterically at how completely ubsurd that was. I luckily escaped with just a minor knick on my wrist. So then stephen and I powned some cardboard and duct tape, and lets just say we're the classiest looking house on the block. Anyway i'm probably going to have to pay for replacing the glass, and find someonee to replace the glass, with money i don't have. All of this just in time for the arctic front and rain, hizzah! We then resumed the movie, and wet ourselves on several occasions.

"that movie was the scariest thing i've ever seen in my life!"
" you mean, the one about the cross dressers?"
uncontrollable laughter.

I feel like an idiot... i can't believe my window....

I'm watching Paula deen's thanksgiving party. She is doing an entirely fried thanksgiving, I just saw her fry a cake, and cranberry sauce....dear lord....

I'm stoked for thanksgiving!!! MASHED POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 04:33:35 GMT

Do you ever hear a song and want it to be a part of you? That's what Pocket full of money is for me right now. I want the lyrics to run through my veins, I want the melody to be pounded out by my heart. I want the song flow through me, be in me. I crave to feel the music slip between my lips and slide down my throat. I yearn to sense it in my stomach, thumping away deep inside my gut. I want it to be IN me, be a part of me. i want to sew it to my skin, i want to see it when i close my eyes, i want to see it when my eyes are open, I want to feel it crawling under my skin, smell it, sense it constantly, touch it, hold it in palm and feel it. I want it to be a part of me forever.

laugh mercilessly.

i'll come running with a heart on fire
i'll come running with a heart on fire
i'll come running with a heart on fire
i'll come running with a heart on fire

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 03:29:59 GMT

This weekend was a lot of things, this week was a lot of things.

I went exploring today with Ava behind Reed Park. I want to go back and take pictures. There is this tree i'm now obsessed with, low and practically completely horizontal branching over a cove in the creek that meanders back through the woods. There are these cliffs lining the other side of the creek and the area just has this feeling to it i keep expecting wood sprites and hobbits to come prancing out of the woods, quickly fallowed by a unicorn (preferably the offspring of Nina and Jamie).

I feel like i haven't been in 4th period in forever, i wasn't there friday, or thursday, though i doubt we did anything thursday. Thursday, I wish everyone could have seen, could have herd Mr. Hudson in 2nd period. I wish i could remember verbatim what he said, but i don't, all i know is that it afffected me in a way i didn't know possible. He made me cry. I feel like i don't have a right to be upset about Blake, I didn't know him,but i think maybe it just hit a little close to home. It made it plausible that someonee close to me, who i care about and love could just be gone. It made it real. I can't imagine what his family is going through, literally can't imagine.The amount of love and support their receiving is the kind of thing that helps restore my faith in humanity. I thought about what it would be like if Alex was to all of the sudden be gone and i just i just can't its too hard. I don't think i've vere sensed a greater amount of grief at austin high, it was so completely overwhelming that it was exhausting. I just wanted to give all of these crying strangers in the hallway a hug, its so hard for me to see other people upset, fuck how i feel, i just want everyone else to be ok.goddamn it why can't we all be happy? why does it have to be so fucking hard?

MY CAKE!!!!!!!! (and some other things)

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 17:59:16 GMT

I finished my cake! and it was a huge hit at the lil girl's birthday party! people kept asking where they got it made, and i was all like " shit niggas i made dat cake, fuck yeah" or something like that.........

THIS IS CAKE TOWN!!!!!!!!

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 04:04:22 GMT

Cake town is in my living room. Its exciting. I'm making a massive birthday cake for a girl I babysit for. I went to the All in one bake shop this weekend with my mom and Jason and I think we bought about $300 worth of stuff...and you have no idea how excited I am!!!!! So first off here is my idea for the cake (its carnival/circus themed):
Its going to be a stacked cake with three levels (14,10 and 6 inch rounds). The bottom layer is going to be covered with white fondant and decorated with colored fondant to look like a drum! The middle layer is going to be covered with yellow fondant and decorated to look like a carousel- I'm taking candy sticks (like candy canes but just sticks) and gluing (royal icinging) on decorated animal crackers and putting them all around the cake so it looks like a carousel. and the top is going to be covered with white fondant and just decorated however i please and have another candy stick in teh middle with crape paper ribbons attached to it that will drape down the side of the cake. I'm sure this descriptions is horrible and you can't understand it and you probably don't care that much anyway but i'm just really excited about it.

But holly ffucking god the stuff I got!!!! I got fondant, and rolling pins, and rolling mats, and pattern presses, and fondant cutters and embossers, and soooo much more!!!!!!!! its the first time i've really worked with fondant and I'm kinda nervous but super excited!!!!! The party is on saturday and this is the schedule i have planned out for the cake:
monday-bake cakes & freeze
tuesday- ice and cover with fondant
wed-start decorating
thursday hopefully finish decorating ( and then that alots me a day if something is to go wrong).
So i'm just ridiculously excited about it!

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 04:08:33 GMT

everthing thats keeping me together is falling apart
I've got this thing that I consider my only art of fucking people over.

I'm currently loving on Modest Mouse.
Friday- a bit like camping, perhaps a tad on the intents side? After staying up until 4 or so in the morning being my maternal self and taking care of the people I care about I got to get up at a ridiculous time of the morning and go babysit a 5 month old for TEN HOURS. have you ever been soley responsible for an infant for that long??

I ended up having to call my mother and have her help (save) me, Ben cried (yelled) for an entire hour and a half after he woke up from his nap, and he wouldn't eat and he would not stop crying- I did everything to try and comfort him. My mom came over and as soon as she took him out of my arms I just collapsed and started crying. I had never felt so inadequate in my entire life. She determined he had a tummy ache and held him in a certain position on his belly and he stopped crying almost immediately.

Once he stopped crying he was a complete joy to be around. He calmed down and took his bottle. Then when he finished his bottle I got to feed him carrots (the first time I gave him solid food). HE WAS COMPLETELY ADORABLE! he was so happy, and really enjoyed the carrots and got them everywhere, but it was so cute!!! After that he was pretty good the rest of the time. I loved it when he was sleepy and i got to hold him and rock him back and forth and watch him slowly doze off to sleep. Gah, he is so cute!

My mom had wanted to come over anyway b/c she had gone shopping and bought what was going to be a christmas present ( my mom is slightly ridiculous) for me, but hearing my franticness decided to go ahead and give me the Black pearl and diamond ring!!!! I cried. Oh and I got payed $100 for babysitting, and beside that one crying fit he was pretty chill and fun to take care of.

life kinda rules right now-knock on wood.

some shit

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 00:14:03 GMT

I don't understand how people can be assholes and then not feel bad about it, or at least not show that they feel bad about it. i'm tired of the dont give a fuck about anyone, emotionless image, its bullshit and frankly its pissing me off.

I would like to believe that I wear my emotions on my sleeve and share them with other people and make no attempt to outright hide them (this might not be true), because if you do how can you ever feel close to anyone? Closeness is something I crave, I want to know everyone i really care about intimately and though I'm not quite there yet I'm working on it. I think I just love to love. There is just something inside me pulling, urging me to get closer to the people around me. I know this probably sounds weird and somewhat creepy, but god its just the greatest thing to feel so loved and to love people in return, its satisfying and fulfilling and just an all-around wonderful feeling. Because as we all know the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. I JUST WANT TO HUG EVERYBODY!!!!!

Quick-grab the kleenex

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 20:34:14 GMT

For those of you who don't know The White Stripes have canceled their Saturday ACL headlining gig and Stubb’s show on Sunday.

ACL producer Charles Attal cited medical reasons for the cancellation. No word yet on who is filling either show.
In spite of rampant rumors, U2 will not be filling in for the White Stripes.

This is the only infromation I could find, I'm not completely sure its reliable, i was on statesman.com and there was a link, but i think its from an austin360 blog. If it is true, it really sucks(I'm really sorry Nina). And honestly, this ACL is one of the most unexciting line-ups I've seen in a while. No offense there are some bands i like and stuff, but none that i'm just truely thrilled about seeing especially in 90-100 degree heat. At least we'll have balla after parties :)

peace

well it must be difficult

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 22:35:11 GMT

being so gorgeous.

I have now applied for 4 jobs and if i don't get accepted at atleast one, i'm gonnna beee pisssed. BRIDGE SHOW!!! I'm excited!!!! Who all is going? wanna go together? hang out before/after? spend da night? all dat good stuff? I'm actually almost a little sad its the weekend, thats how much I'm liking school, except for sociology that sucks, but its worth it to have the rest of my schedule be so amazing. I'm suppa happy right now. Oh, and Maxine is fixed!!! YAY!!! and they replaced my sub woofer with a bazooka, fuck yes they did!

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 22:37:32 GMT

I LOVE CLOTHES!!!!

They're so great! and cute! and gahh! And I just ordered these $120 boots from steve madden! I can't wait for them to get here, I'm going to live in them! I still have money left in my back to school shopping budget too! God, i love clothes!

I feel happy, and its nice. Its so nice to get happy about things and get excited about a pair of boots. So, so, nice... I'm also sleeeeepy. Naps, naps, naps, naps, naps!

You can't fool the children of the revolution

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 22:43:17 GMT

Hey! My parents are out of town till sunday/monday!! So, basically, you should come over and keep me company cuz it gets lonely. I'm gonna have a weekend long chill fest. You wanna hang? watch a movie? have a DANCE PARTY? come on over!!!! I really just want someone clean,and entertaining to come live with me for the next few days. SOMEONE GO GROCERY SHOPPING WITH ME!!!!

I never get to see Camille anymore, and its fuxing saddening. I'm so used to seeing her almost everyday, and being able to make plans on a whim and so forth but now school is interfering with its homework and shiii. At least we have a three day weekend.

as zoe would say my "scrumdidliumpcious rack"

possibly my favorite of da bunch

light leaks? bad assnes more like!

she won't start...again...

I's a creep

shits going down!!!

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 21:32:23 GMT

monday afternoon my mom left for Dallas. I'm coming unhinged without her. Its actually quite worrying me how frazzled I am without my mom here, because then what is it going to be like to live on my own?? I'm also worried about what it will do to her. I am actually quite shocked to realize how completely confudled I am without my mom here. I just don't know what to do with myself. Jason is still "here" ( he's always working) I'm not completely alone, why is this affecting me so?
I called her four different times after I got home yesterday, just to talk to her. I also had to call her to ask what was for diner. I just completely didn't know what to do without her here. There is something completely unbalanced to me about Jason being here and my mom not. It needs to be all or nothing!! Usually when I'm home alone I'm ,well, competent. I can make myself a nice diner, relax, read and do whatever the fuck I want to. Its like I can't be like that with Jason here. I guess I'm expecting him to take charge and be my mom while shes gone. Theres just an odd feeling of having an adult in the house, but not feeling like they're in control or taking charge.
don't get me wrong I love jason to pieces! But its almost more like having an extremely goofy brother around rather than a parent figure. I think it also had to do with school starting. I can't just up and take off for the local swimming hole on a whim anymore, or not worry about what time to be home. I felt more confined to my house, and without my mom there got bored and antsy.

I love being so close to my mom, but I'm afraid we're so close that it might be unhealthy or hindering us from functioning properly without eachother. I mean when I called her today when I got home from school, i managed to ask her "whats going on" before she started crying "just hearing your voice is making me cry". And it could be because of the reason she is in Dallas which is that her close friend's mother is extremely sick and is on a ventilator and has been given until the end of the week before they disconnect her.

So i'm sorry if i'm a little off this week obviously my mother's absence is affecting me. I hope everyones been having a great first two days of school?